What Autumn Feels Like Now

Hello, again!

It's been the most amazing week over here. We've dipped suddenly into fall, from sunny, summer days into almost freezing temps. Yesterday morning, it was drizzly, and the valley where I live was blanketed in mist. The day brought angry, dark patches of storms; almost all of the rain we got in the month of September came in the last few days of the month.

Today, though, it's sunny, and I've spent the morning cleaning. I've got lunch cooking in the oven and my blinds open to let in the light.

Where I'm living now, the first two weekends of October bring almost a million people into the state for the International Balloon Fiesta, the biggest of its kind. It's something about the way the cold air pushes against the mountains this week of the year in particular that makes the flight conditions ideal for balloonists, and I think it's the biggest event of the year.

I'm far enough away that I'm not caught up with the visitors and locals flocking to the park, but there's something that feels different here this week. The air is cold and crisp, but the sunlight is still burning through.

October reminds me of my grandfather, maybe because it's the month where we're closest to the spirit world. He was a stalwart man, and even though he didn't show it often, I always knew he loved us. I miss him in October most, maybe something about not seeing him at the start of the holidays, or the smell of his house when we'd gather together.

I was 18 when he passed away. Seven years, next February. I carry him with me. He walked with me when I graduated in 2018. He walks with me every time I put my dreams first. I hold his dream of coming to this country to make better lives for my kids one day.

I don't remember my last words to the people I've lost, but here, working and living and writing and holding them close with the chill in the air and sunlight still warming through, I hope it was, "I love you."